Tag: asks

“Penny for your thoughts?”

MxTomieLeave a comment

  “At first you kind of made a bad impression on me. I wasn’t sure who you were and why you were there. And you kind of had a way with words that wasn’t exactly… the best. However, you’re starting to grow on me. The fact that you’re willing to own up to mistakes that you’ve made earned you a lot of respect from me – despite my opinion not meaning all that much. Nonetheless, I don’t mind spending time with you every now and then. You’re better than I thought and that’s always a good realization to have.”

penny for your thoughts? c:

MxTomieLeave a comment

  “You’re my best friend. My very best friend and I will always appreciate you because of that. We’ve been friends for a very, very long time and I suspect your friendship will help long into the future. There are moments though, I have to admit that I wish – I wish things had turned out differently, I’ve seen where you’ve managed to get to in the time I did not have. Assistance I did not have. And I have to admit, the loss I may not ever really make up for. That makes me a little envious. I don’t like saying this but it’s true.

However, I can not begrudge what you’ve been through. I know you’ve been through a lot and so I would never discredit that. 

It’s just…

It feels like I’ll always be less than because we’re so close and yet it’s easy for me to feel bargain-bin or not good enough. So if you feel that something’s happened, it’s because I’m dealing with that feeling of inadequacy that arises. I don’t want to be a bother to you, I would never want to be a bother to you.

Maybe we can go out into the forest sometime. That’d be pretty nice.”

penny for your thoughts 💱💱

MxTomieLeave a comment

   They remained quiet for a few moments. “You make for a pretty good friend of mine. I do enjoy your company and I do admire that you have a presence about you. You’re a bright, attractive, creative person who I just am glad to have met and gotten to know a little bit.” There is a bit of a hesitation in the way that they speak as if they are trying to stop. “I had been attracted to you. You’re a good person to be around and I will always be glad to be friendly with you. ” There’s an unspoken but that they are actively avoiding talking about. 

“…I feel like I want to be completely honest but I get choked up and unable to speak every time I try. So, I will not go there.  It’s for the best that I don’t. ”

“Penny for your thoughts”

MxTomieLeave a comment

  “You know that I adore you, so much. But before that, I .. I had this strange appreciation for the way I changed back in the day – although it was obviously nothing worth being nostalgic about. I can’t help but have a respect for how you have changed and how you carry yourself to this day. You are really better than anyone gives you credit for these days and I want to let you know that I appreciate you a lot. Sometimes, I don’t know how you put with my mess but I’m thankful for your company and I want you to know that if you need something, please let me know. I’ll be more than willing to help you within my capacity. ”

“Penny for your thoughts”

MxTomieLeave a comment

  “Although there is always a bittersweetness that comes from befriending a human, I.. I have to admit I’m glad to know Juan. He’s- he’s got a positive spirit to him that honestly? I probably need around from time to time. I can so easily be exhausted from the day to day responsibility of what I bear. And I’m always haunted by the existence that I deal with – that is nice to have someone who can distract me from all that with their own situation. It’s been really fun to just hang out and spend time with him. He’s incredibly thoughtful and pleasant to be around. Sometimes there are little things I find a little strange but that’s probably partially a product between different beings and from being different places.”

“Penny for your thoughts”

MxTomieLeave a comment

  “Lilli is a ..very, very good friend of mine. And I do appreciate that she cares about me and about others to the extent that she does. I.. I sometimes do get bothered by the fact that she clearly does not get back as much as she gives. Like that does irritate me to the point of sincere anger but… I can’t expect much on that front, no matter how much I wish that would change. And it’s not good to surface that kind of anger too often if it can be avoided.

I wonder if it’s a way of channeling my own issues with resentment. Probably. Can’t make myself mad on my own behalf but for that of others..possible.

I ..I know she has her issues, ones that I can sympathize with entirely too well. Sometimes …I do feel like a dangerous friend for her just because we share some of the rougher internal struggles that are pretty hard to hide at a certain point. And I’m more likely to be blunter about the impact of this internalized situation – at least personally.

But I do enjoy her company quite a bit. She’s pretty good. I mean everyone has things they struggle with and I want her to know that I acknowledge that and if she ever wants a listening ear, she’s got one in me.”

✂

MxTomieLeave a comment

A message my muse wrote after not having written for a while, possibly because they lost the journal or because they have been busy with other things. (Feel free to include part of the previous entry for perspective.)

So..it’s been a little bit of time. I’ve not been up to writing all that much, I’ve been putting a lot of my feelings out into music – which has lead to some cool results. But I have to admit, I’m at a strange place in my life right now.

And while I’d post this somewhere, there are too many witnesses among people I actually know for that to be a good idea. 

Although I’m feeling ..okay, I’m also feeling really ambivalent right now. Especially about other people these days. I, I’ve been withdrawing from being particularly interested in others. Platonically, that stays on since it’s always good to have friends- but I’ve been purposely reluctant to really get invested in any other way. I’m only going to go where I’m wanted.

And if I’m not wanted, well. There’s no point in trying now is there? There’s something bittersweet about that realization, but I need that for my own sake of sanity. Otherwise, I’ve been really dealing with normal work stresses and dealing with being in public..It still is a bit scary going out in the world presenting as I do but I .. I feel the need to do it. It’s for my own sake, it’s been a long time coming and although I still feel a dread in the pit of my heart, it’s necessary and it feels much better than pretending.

I am so very tired of pretending. I’ve had to do that entirely too often within my existence only to survive. Can I not be a true self for once? 

Otherwise, this leitmotif might be finished. I’ve been working on that for months, but I’ll have to listen to it a few times before I can actually show it to anyone else. I promised at least one person will get to hear it – so I should at least make good on that, no matter how tempted I am to sequester it away.

[ wrap ] for your muse to walk into the room and say nothing before wrapping their arms around my muse.

MxTomieLeave a comment

  There were moments where Saima felt quite withdrawn to the point that they didn’t really notice when others were in the room. It was during such a mood, that they suddenly felt arms wrapping around them unexpectedly. A slow turn g the head directed their gaze towards the source, which was none other than Lilli.

“Oh hey. What brings you over this way?“ They shift a bit so that they can casually return the embrace at least for a moment.