Uh. One is they – Saam no longer uses he/him pronouns. So please keep that in mind.
And two, it’s just a pattern of behavior Saam has. Like I can say most ships I do end up developing – end up originating with Saam being attracted to someone and operating under the assumption that they could never like them back. Usually they find out that they are wrong – ..but it’s a persistent theme with them.
Three – I’m still working out the thoughts because this is a new interaction that the muse is interested in. And I’m not even sure it will go anywhere. But I wrote a little drabble about it over on @ridiculousnerdficthings if you want to find out about the latest case.
“I’ve only recently met you William, but you seem like a rather pleasant fellow. I always appreciate those that don’t make me feel obligated to talk around them. Weirdly enough, it makes me more inclined to feel comfortable talking with them. Since those that can be comfortable with silence makes me feel less awkward since them. So I hope I can encounter you again someday so we can get to know each other a little more. You seem like you make for good company.”
“Yeah well you know I care about you deeply and all that stuff. And you know that I would do near anything for you these days – within reason I suppose. That’s very obvious. But there are moments where I think far back, far back to the times where you were ..in control and I guess I automatically have a certain wonder. A certain reservation that those that did have control over me don’t fully respect me as an equal these days. Would I ever be an equal to you guys? I’m not entirely certain and that makes me feel kind of wary to an extent. Even being involved with you hasn’t removed this anxious and unnerving feeling that will probably continue to haunt me for the future.
It just seems to be a reminder that I have these idle feelings fo inadequacy in the presence of others. But you know you did influence me a solid amount and you continue to do so to this day. I do ..want to be better. I don’t know how good I can get but I do feel driven to be better and that’s partially out of having encountered you. ”
“Where am I supposed to start with you? I mean one Happy Birthday. Best wishes sincerely. As a friend, I do hope you have a wonderful day.” They give a little bit of a sigh. “But I can’t pretend that in the past my feelings for you weren’t a lot more complicated. Like your arrival on the shores of my people – that battle on this day that you currently celebrate, it was all pointed towards a direction I was dreading. This was the beginning of a long period of my life where I wasn’t not..autonomous for quite some time. And I can’t help but still have anger about that. Being passed on like nothing more than territory for someone to control – being initially forced to convert despite eventual …acceptance I guess of the new faith. I just I have strong memories that really made me seethe.
It’s weird though. I don’t know where I would have otherwise ended up. I started growing more at least during that time. I just was going into being a teen and that made this situation all the more turbulent and strange to deal with. So..it was all very challenging. And I can’t say I didn’t pick up some things from you among the others that had influence over me. I just.. it’s a strange feeling to deal with. I’m not certain that I’ll ever be able to articulate this. ”
“But it’s good to be friendly, now – is it now?“ They give a small smile, it’s fragile and somewhat anxious – as if still remaining uncertain of what Mogens might think.
“Andrei is a pretty cool fellow. I do like speaking to him when I get the chance to and I always find myself learning a little bit more about him when I do. So that’s pretty cool to experience. Also he’s just pretty nice and welcoming relatively speaking. And I feel like he doesn’t get enough credit for being as decent as he is. He’s a decent listener and even though I don’t know him too well – it’s nice that he was willing to accommodate referring to me in a way that I’d prefer these days even without me going into it too much. Not that I would mind if he cared to ask or anything – I don’t mind talking about it.
But nonetheless, he’s a rather neat person. I like being an acquaintance of his and hope to talk more in the future.”
“To be fair, I wasn’t really sure what I was going to think of Gabriel. I had only heard about him from time to time due to his associations with his siblings. And more recently due to the way he works really hard and has accomplished quite a bit in his time around. I honestly wasn’t even sure if he’d bother to talk to the likes of me outside of official business or something. It’s just one of those irrational thoughts I have.
But I do enjoy his company, he’s a good guy and I’m looking forward to going camping with him. Maybe it’d be a good chance to get to know him better. ”
“Well isn’t this a curious case? I still remember Gilbert trying to eliminate me from the face of the earth – quite literally. And it’s still somewhat surprising to me that he wasn’t successful. But you know – things have clearly changed a lot since then. And it’s for the best honestly. I don’t know he’s – he’s very interesting and I can’t help but have a certain respect for him these days. He’s got a perspective that I can appreciate. And it’s always kind of nice to see someone who doesn’t readily get caught up in the nonsense one so often sees around here. It makes for a neat contrast.
So I guess we’re on pretty good terms these days. I’m glad for it and hope to sometimes hang out or something sometime. He’s good for a beer and a solid talk about whatever.”
“Mameko is pretty nice to be around. Sometimes it’s good just to be able to hang with her every so often. Perhaps I should take an excuse to visit more regularly. But she’s very bright and capable and I just feel like she deserves more than she often gets. I don’t know .. she’s good company to be around and has a way about her that is rather pleasant. ”
“Feykir is a pretty good guy. I can see that he’s been building more confidence in himself and I am happy for him doing so. I figured he deserved to feel better about himself. In any case, I just want him to keep on moving and hopefully he finds someone who appreciates him, even if it’s in a casual fashion, in the way that works well for him.”
“You’re a good friend and I find myself enjoying your company quite a bit. I appreciate you being willing to talk about stuff even if it is drastically different from your experiences. I do worry about you though sometimes as I do want nothing but the best for you and I just.. I just want to see you enjoy life more often.”
Seekesotsibteadmist 