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June 14, 2017 MxTomieLeave a comment

Saam has a lot of anxiety about feeling like they don’t really belong anywhere not even among their colleagues. Because of their awareness of how groups seem to be formed among their kind, Saam tends to have trouble fitting in well even with those they have some kinship with. Something leaves them feeling alienated all the time for reasons that they can not reasonable articulate to others. It makes going to large conferences somewhat of a dreaded experience to be quite honest.

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June 13, 2017 MxTomieLeave a comment

Saam can come across as rude in the way that they speak to others. When they are actually giving an opinion about other’s situations, they can be rather direct in the way they comment on others behavior. This directness isn’t something that they regret but it can easily be interpreted as being rude just because the language used can be so blunt despite their attempts to be somewhat tactful.

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June 13, 2017 MxTomieLeave a comment

Saam doesn’t really think very highly of themselves necessarily. Like they can get the job done of looking after their people which is their primary point of existence. However, they don’t feel like they have much value after that so.. it leaves them wary of what others might even get from being around them. Even when Saam is among friends, they tend to be somewhat self-deprecating which is only a hint at how deep the self-criticism tends to go.

This low self-image has caused persistent issues with paranoia and inadvertently pushing people away.

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June 13, 2017 MxTomieLeave a comment

Saam tends to have a lot of built up bitterness that can come out when they lose their patience with someone. Once that reservoir of patience is shorted, Saam has no problem using rather cutting words to get their point across even if it does end up involving previous resent feelings they had carried with them from time to time.

It’s easy for them to be sour and yet happy for others at the same time. It’s a reflection on their own exhausted and outdone nature towards everything they had been through and how much they feel cheated out of.

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June 13, 2017 MxTomieLeave a comment

Saam tends to have a very skeptical attitude towards people. It usually comes out when someone asks them about their past and whether it effects how the view others to this day. It becomes apparent that they have little to no expectations of their colleagues and the distrust is very really. They rarely express it but it is a reason that they may come across as fairly elusive when interacting with others.

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June 11, 2017 MxTomieLeave a comment

a memory that may or may not have happened

Whether or not this was real didn’t seem to matter in the end. All Saam knew was this feeling of rejection of an unreachable barrier between them and the rest of the world. Entering the conference room for the first time in what had to be years, decades even, Saam could only feel like they were being judged. Sharp piercing eyes from ‘colleagues’ saw right through the persona that they were trying to construct for themselves in the aftermaths of the re-recognition.

It seemed like they would be nothing more than territory to be passed between those with more power. And even at this moment, Saam wasn’t convinced that people weren’t imaging trying to implement a more ‘modern’ way to exploit their land and their people. And what really could they do about it? So desperate to be part of the world again, it felt like Saam would tolerate nearly anything to feel included.

A feeling that perhaps would never come.

✈ – an eye-opening memory

June 11, 2017 MxTomieLeave a comment

For so long the stories had been told via voice, using only the mouth to transmit information. It didn’t seem natural for Saam to use any other methods. After all songs and tales were the way that their people told of themselves. It was like that for centuries, Saam figured that it would be like that forever.

But no, in the years after Christianity came to their land, a priest took an interest in Saam. Despite their rebellious nature, the man recognized something in Saam that intrigued him, made him wonder about what Saam was capable of. And so the priest took Saam back to the church where he worked and showed them words. Writing on paper.

Saam could still remember sharply to this day how huge a revelation this was. The fact that information could be transmitted via writing felt so incredibly foreign and yet.. fascinating. It had sparked something in their eyes that Saam didn’t recognize was possible.

It was this curiosity that this priest had recognized in the sullen youth. A mind that was eager for work, for information – for another way to be available. And to realize that writing and reading was possible – Saam’s interest was voracious and could not be contained.

It was no wonder that after a while, Saam was used to reading anything that they could get their hands on.