[text] It’s not too forward. I don’t mind being asked about it.
[text] I’ve been..fine enough. I’m a reserved person in general – but there is a reason I’ve been walking alone more often when I do attend world meetings.
[text] Which in forewarning – might be less often going forward.
[text] I’ve just been feeling incredibly out of place like it’s not my business to be there. It’s a bit of a long story, to be honest.
((go for it. o: you’re one of the most chill RPers I’ve written with in this comm, I can’t imagine there’d be much backlash!
[thanks friend. I’ll see what happens. Can’t assume that I’ll find anyone interested haha. But I’ll see. I’m sure something cool with come out eventually.]
“I’ve had multiple moments over the years where I’ve wondered why the hell I was even here if I can’t all that much for my people. If the things were going to happen despite my protests and efforts, was there a solid for me being around in the first place? It’s a question that I still haven’t answered to this day. It creeps with me in the back of my head. Feeling that what I do doesn’t actually have that much of an impact. ”
There are a lot of such images that make Saima feel pretty lonely. There’s the sight of families coming together, there’s the sight of friends reuniting. Such sights leave them feeling a little hollow knowing full well that even those they consider close to among their colleagues, they can never feel that unconditional comfort that humans have among those that they care for.
Seeing people with their lovers tends to make them feel a little..sad especially since they feel super detached from the idea of such relationships. Even seeing images of intimacy among friends (on their online presences so to speak) tends to make them feel out of place since there’s a distinct lack of similar images for people like them online. So seeing their dash inundated kind of makes them feel a certain kind of way. Hits at their issues of not feeling like enough for people around them.
It’s things like this that makes them prepare their guard up more and more just in an attempt to protect themselves. If they were going to be unwanted, they’d rather just be used to the feeling than have false hopes.
1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.
2: Talk about your first kiss.
3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.
4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.
5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.
6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.
7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.
8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.
9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.
10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.
11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.
12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.
13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.
14: Talk about a vacation.
15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.
16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.
17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.
18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.
19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.
20: Talk about something that happened in high school.
21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.
22: Talk about your worst fear.
23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.
24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.
25: Talk about an ex-best friend.
26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.
27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.
28: Talk about your fetishes.
29: Talk about what turns you on.
30: Talk about what turns you off.
31: Talk about what you think death is like.
32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.
33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.
34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.
35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.
36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.
37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.
38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.
39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.
40: Talk about the end of something in your life.
“Thank you for letting me call on such short notice– I know it is late there. I apologize if I’m keeping you up.”
“After living in isolation for a few centuries, one would think I should be accustomed to dealing with nightmares alone. But technology has spoiled me. When it is so easy to reach out to another person, even if they are halfway across the world, it is hard to resist the temptation.
“Forgive me, though– how have you been? Are you well? I will not keep you long, I promise; it is enough just to hear a friendly voice. It helps to, ah, re-center my mental state.”
“I promise it is fine – let’s say I consider it a pleasant surprise. I rarely sleep all that much anyway.”
“You’d think that. But I do get how dealing with nightmares alone can still be a challenge. At least you’re willing to make the most of what technology can afford you in reaching out to others.” It was almost funny that despite being so ‘connected’, Saima still had their own challenges in bothering to reach out to people for assistance, much more used to trying to settle such conflicted thoughts internally – regardless of its success rate.
“I…I’ve been okay. Been busy as to be expected. But I can nto complain too much.“ They are reluctant to reveal the slight doubt in their tone, smothering it under a veil of competency and contentment. “But it’s good to hear that a friendly voice can re-center you. I’m always glad to help with things like that.“
Kiku offered Saam what he hoped was a reassuring smile, and for the next few moments he fell silent, preoccupied with his food. The brief pause in conversation gave him time to consider how best to phrase his next question. It would have been wisest, he knew – or at least, most courteous – not to mention it at all, but the words had never strayed from the tip of his tongue. And besides, he figured, Saam had to be expecting this. Kiku was achingly curious, and he was certain he was not the only one.
“I realize this may be a sensitive subject,” he started, as he needled another piece of sushi, “and so I will not feel offended in the slightest if you would like to discuss something else. Something lighter. But the Western world has been wondering the same thing for nearly a century – and I have been, as well.”
As he spoke, he he dipped the sushi into his soy sauce, the delicate gesture so practiced and precise he needed to pay it no mind. His eyes stayed fixed on Saam. “You may not know this, but they had considered at least partially handing me over to the Soviet Union after the war. The Allies, that is. America was good to me–” He gestured to his own suit lapel, as though his clothes were evidence of this fact. “–but I find myself wondering now, in this time of global introspection, how I might have survived if things had gone differently.”
He figured Saam would know by now where this was headed. “What… was it like? Living– er, dealing with him?”
For a few moments, Saamuel had been content to just fiddle with the food and enjoy some of the bits of sushi on such a luxurious platter. To taste something previously unknown had been an adventure within itself. And so, they were deeply enjoying the quiet opportunity to just relish the tastes of this new material.
But of course all good things had an obvious undertone to them. Saamuel certainly wasn’t oblivious to the desire of those wanting to know more. Kiku’s mention of what could be a sensitive subject automatically sent the Estonian into something of a darker place. Their eyes went from bright and curious to lidded and exhausted within a matter of seconds. It was a wonder how easily the mention of that time was going to weigh on them.
“Of course, of course. Everyone has been wondering, I’m sure.” This is said within a bite of sushi. It’s unknown if there is a bitterness there – but there is a hint of it. An exhaustion with the whole deal. Wary eyes glance over to Kiku as he mentions that the Allies partially considered handing him over to the Soviet Union. It is a most interesting fact. “Huh. That’s…that’s oddly fascinating in a way. But I assure you – you were very lucky in that you weren’t handed over. Surely, you can tell that is the case, no?” A small statement, just making it apparent that Kiku had avoided quite a lot with the assistance of the American.
The inevitable question arose, Saam had been dreading it. But it always came – when meeting with others, they all had the same curiosity. It was almost lurid even as far as Saamuel was concerned.
“Of …of course you’d want to know. To state it briefly, it was hard. Incredibly hard. So many.. were sent off. I dare not speak of that further. My people were marginalized throughout the whole time, information was suppressed. Paranoia was totally encouraged among the population because we ..were watched. A lot. I ended up building a lot of walls to deal with him. Layers and layers in order to subvert any attempts to get to my core. I had to ..somehow insist on a sense of self in the midst of these times. Often went hungry, often subsisted on not nearly enough. I got snatches of information about the outside world from Finnish radio. What can I say? It was terrible and I’m still sour that I went through it. I don’t know what people want me to say about it. ” Another few bites of the sushi, focusing on the food having explained at least what they hoped was a decent idea of the environment. It hadn’t been a good one and frankly, Saam was in no mood to perform further suffering for others. They had already been through more thanenough at this point.
Seekesotsibteadmist 