“Tha’ sounds awfully important. Nothin’ I know anything about.” Ivar smirked as he shifted to lean against the wall behind him. “Sounds like you’re making a difference in what you’re doin’ tho.”
“Yeah it’s a lot of pressure to be a good representative. So I’m doing my best.“ Even if it does lead to moments of perpetual internal doubt that makes them want to run away all the time. “I’d like to thiink I’ll make a difference. We’ll just have to see how that plays out in the end.“
“Good, because knowing me, I might forget.” Ivar smirked, moving to crack his neck a bit as he adjusted his footing for a moment.
“What have you been up t’ lately? I’m not around Waldo’s as much as I use t’ be a few weeks ago, so I haven’t seen ya around.” He was assuming of course that Saam went to see Berwald while he wasn’t around. He didn’t know, since his brother tended to be a bit on the private side most of the time.
“Lately? I’ve been mostly working. Took on some additional duties as a head of a council so that has been eating at my time. “ They gave a little bit of a shrug as if it was normal to pick up in activity over time.”Guess, I’ve also been visiting Ber every so often when I get the chance. I need to do stuff like that to keep me relatively sane.“
“Alright. Got it.” Ivar said as he again took another long breath of their smoke, finishing it off before putting it out against the bottom of his boots heel. He pocketed the butt, stretching his neck a bit.
“Feel free to give me a smack upside the head if I forget. Just in case, since I wouldn’ do it on purpose.” He nods to Himself, giving Saam a smirk stll.
Idly they had rocked on their heels for a few moments, letting themselves stretch out for a bit.
“Heh. I’ll be sure to give you a nice bop to the head if you forget.“ Saima returned a playful smirk back at Ivar running their hand through their hair and against the back fo their neck.
“Ahhh fuck! Shit. Sorry, man.. Ya know, I feel like a dumb ass cause, ya know, I feel like I should haven known?? But..” He shrugged it off, moving to take another long drag of the cigarette before exhaling to his left, away from Saam. Perhaps trying to be respectful.
“I respect that though. So, what would ya have me call ya by? Do ya prefer she..? They, or any other ones..?” He asked, a bit of unease in his voice, hoping he wasn’t being offensive. He wasn’t trying to be. He wasn’t in the whole know of ALL the genders these days, but he knew there were some complicated ones. He’d met and treated plenty of them like he treated anyone else. A bit abrasive, but everyone go that from him at first. He just assume until he was corrected, usually, and he gladly complied as well as he could. He just prayed he’d remember their pronouns, if they were complicated. He’d sure try, for Saam’s sake. “Oh– and do ya still go my Saam? Or did you wanna be called something else?”
“Hah. No worries. It’s not like I wear a shirt declaring it. Although sometimes I’ve been tempted to get one.”They chuckled at the thought of some of the shirts they’ve seen online, maybe they’d get one for casual traveling or something.
“They/them is just fine for me. Or the rough equivalent of that. “ Saima was perfectly okay with explaining things for people because they knew it was new for a lot of people. Besides, they were still learning more about themselves as a result of discovering such more accurate ways of being.
“Saam is still fine as a nickname. Though I’d appreciate it if you called me Saima.“
Days where they weren’t feeling their best had Saima at an even lower patience level than they usually had. Which was why they were initially a little concerned when Ivar seemed to want to talk to them about something. Nonetheless, they opted to let the other speak and listen to at least what was being offered for the moment.
Hearing an apology from Ivar was something that they hadn’t really expected but it was welcomed. “Ah. Well- I appreciate that you were trying to help but hah yeah people deal with rough moments differently. ..But I, I’m glad that you think I’m alright. You clearly seem to mean well yourself Ivar – I’ll give you credit for that. Wouldn’t mind being on better terms you know? I don’t think that’d be a bad thing.”
They give a small little smile in return. “But the first thing you should probably know? – I greatly prefer not being referred to as a guy. Just so you know.”
“Oohhh.. did I touch a nerve by being so blunt and pushy?” Ivar smirked still, though he sighed, moving to stand himself from his seat and rub a hand through his hair with a smirk.
“Since yer so offended, I’ll be leaving then. See ya around, Saamy.” And he knew they would, if Saam wanted to continue being around Berwald, they’d eventually see him.
“….You definitely hit something.“ Something that left them incredibly guarded and apprehensive about Ivar’s intentions. In any case, they were more than glad to see the other go. It didn’t seem to be worth the energy trying to calm down for once.
“Yea well. See you around. You don’t have to be here, after all.“
“Good! Because sure as hell someone’s gonna end up taking it away from you if you don’t. I’d hate to see that happen to ya after so many years of working for what ya got.” Ivar smirked as he leaned close to Saam for a moment to lightly give them a pat on the back. Perhaps pushing Saam wasn’t the best way to try and help them.. But he wasn’t completely trying to be a dick. Trying, anyway.
Saima just responded with a frustrated curse, they were damned if they were going to just let someone take anything they’ve earned. “…Yea well, it’s too bad that you’re not going to see that happen. Not if I can help it. ” Their tone was sharp like it could cut through stone with the directness they took.
“Try harder at understanding then.” Ivar muttered as he adjusted to lean back more in his seat to look Saam over again.
“You’re lucky that someone cares.. you’re lucky people respect you after you’ve tried so hard to get where ya are. Don’t throw it all away by being a big child about it.” He huffed quietly, perhaps confused as to why someone so loved could take it for granted like they did.
You say that like I haven’t been. Why do you think I’ve mostly reserved from stating these concerns, asshole.
Narrow eyes glance back at Ivar making Saima instantly regret having said anything at all. “Listen, I recognize that I’m incredibly lucky right now. And I am grateful for that – but that doesn’t stop years upon years of ingrained issues and misfortunes from fucking with my mind from time to time. So don’t you tell me how to respond to it – I’m not ridiculous enough to throw it away. Because who knows when it can be taken away from me. ”
“Hmm.. inadequacy? The feeling you don’t belong among those you work with or look up to?” Ivar pondered, eyeing Saam for a moment longer, before turning his eyes forward again to look at something else. Being who he was, he certainly felt that when he was around just about everyone he interacted with that was a national representative. Even ‘mortal’s gave him a look of pure skepticism at times, his eyes specifically being a staple of hate over the years.
“I can’t relate. But you’re cared for by Berwald.” He lied, he could relate greatly with that.
“Yeah. For a variety of reasons. I mean I haven’t even been self-sovereign for that long in my existence compared to others. I still have so much to catch up on.. and not to mention in a more ridiculous way I guess – it’s easy to feel not good enough when you’re outside of the bounds of what makes sense for speople to like.“ It seemed a little absurd that Saima was being so honest about this to Ivar but maybe they were no longer feeling like hiding things that they could not cover up all that well.
“Yeah. I guess so. I don’t really get why he does. I really and truly don’t understand and it makes me feel guilty that he bothers..“
Seekesotsibteadmist 