beach / swimsuit
Beaches have been something that have been a little bit nerve-wracking for Saam. But lately, they’ve been going with simple two-pieces – not all that dissimilar to tankini tops with short bottoms that cover up enough for them to be comfortable out in public. Or they have work swim shorts to the beach with a cute top as well. So it just depends on what they’re into trying out.
pajamas / bedtime outfit
Lately, Saima’s been wearing mostly long t-shirts and casual shorts underneath or a camisole and some shorts to bed. Occasionally, they’ve been wearing something that more resembles a gown to bed but it just depends on what the weather is like. Either way, the goal is to keep things relatively loose.
💘 = Does your muse believe in astrology signs? If so, what sign are they most compatible with? And is this important when considering a date?
Saima doesn’t really consider astrology signs all that much. Not that they are bad necessarily, it just doesn’t really register as all that important to them.
Apparently the most compatible signs for Pisces are Cancer, Scorpio and Capricorn. Saima doesn’t really ask about this like ever, so it’s not important when considering a date.
It is certainly a factor they consider. Mostly because they would rather find a way to be somewhat comfortable with a partner. Saima is personally pretty comfortable financially – although they know full well that it’s still somewhat okay compared to wealthier areas in the continent. So what seems to be important to them is that they even feel remotely comfortable dating.
They want to be self-reliant and self-sufficient, even more so than they are currently. They make a point to handle their business well and still live a decent life. And thus prefer partners who are able to do the same. It does not mean they have to be rich. Saima is definitely aware of how one could live on relatively little and be fine. It’s something they’ve done for most of their lives. In fact, they have some reservations about dating rich partners because they don’t want to give off the wrong impression and tend to be on the more cautious of sides. It also makes them question why such partners would show an interest in them in the first place. They don’t want to ask too much of anyone or take advantage of them. There’s a lot of anxiety around wealthier partners – that they may not ever actually mention to said people unless in private.
So as long as a partner can keep on top of their responsibilities, Saima would be more than happy to date them.
I don’t sleep all that well. I get several hours of sleep a night. And to be honest with you, I do get a lot of replaying visions of things I’ve done and failures. So any sleep I do get isn’t incredibly restful. I do often end up fairly drained even after a decent amount of sleep. So it’s not really a matter of how I sleep it’s often whether or not I sleep at all.
11. How often do you cry?
I tend to keep those events fairly private. But I guess I find myself stressed to the point of tears once every few months or so. Sometimes depression creeps up on me but that usually just leaves me relatively numb rather than all that ready to cry.
15. Worst thing a lover has done to you?
Cheat. And then belittle me when confronted with the reality of their betrayal.
I guess I have some scars on my chest from being subjugated to some let’s say- incredibly harsh treatment during the second World War. I had already been made vulnerable due to the loss of my population at such a rate and being under people’s control – but having been captured, those forces had no issues attempting to test the limits of what I could survive.
I remember being near-dead, revived and being put back into that near-dead condition a number of times.
I think the emotional scar – is just the collective feeling of not having my own autonomy for years and years on end. It felt like I was never going to be capable of handling my own affairs – or that the world would never let me as long as the land had some appeal to be controlled by someone else.
It still kind of lingers around me to this day, to the point that the way that I see my colleagues has been permanently affected.
Had a crush on a village girl that was close to my physical age at the time. I ..I was convinced that I was going to try and marry her at the time. I spent time trying to get to know her and everything. But I really should have known that her family had heard rumors about me not being the ideal uh ‘partner’ for her and so quite publically, she told me I couldn’t really get any closer to her. That was a relatively crushing moment because it just highlighted what might not be possible for me at an early age.
Saam has a lot of anxiety about feeling like they don’t really belong anywhere not even among their colleagues. Because of their awareness of how groups seem to be formed among their kind, Saam tends to have trouble fitting in well even with those they have some kinship with. Something leaves them feeling alienated all the time for reasons that they can not reasonable articulate to others. It makes going to large conferences somewhat of a dreaded experience to be quite honest.
Saam can come across as rude in the way that they speak to others. When they are actually giving an opinion about other’s situations, they can be rather direct in the way they comment on others behavior. This directness isn’t something that they regret but it can easily be interpreted as being rude just because the language used can be so blunt despite their attempts to be somewhat tactful.
Saam doesn’t really think very highly of themselves necessarily. Like they can get the job done of looking after their people which is their primary point of existence. However, they don’t feel like they have much value after that so.. it leaves them wary of what others might even get from being around them. Even when Saam is among friends, they tend to be somewhat self-deprecating which is only a hint at how deep the self-criticism tends to go.
This low self-image has caused persistent issues with paranoia and inadvertently pushing people away.
Saam tends to have a lot of built up bitterness that can come out when they lose their patience with someone. Once that reservoir of patience is shorted, Saam has no problem using rather cutting words to get their point across even if it does end up involving previous resent feelings they had carried with them from time to time.
It’s easy for them to be sour and yet happy for others at the same time. It’s a reflection on their own exhausted and outdone nature towards everything they had been through and how much they feel cheated out of.
Seekesotsibteadmist 