“You know, you came into my life – my existence at just the right time. And I’m all the more grateful for having the chance to meet you. I think.. I think we needed to meet each other. It was going to happen at some point in our existence but it needed to happen. There’s definitely a calling for those with that mythos that flows through our entire selves to stick together. Since we have a perspective and a view on life that many can’t really understand. And that often leaves us very lonely on our own. At least… that’s been my experience for a long time. So .. you’re a great person to know Stella. I will do my best to always be there for you because it feels right to go about our kinship in that way.”
❛ As much as I’m glad you can relate, I’m also sorry you have to carry that sort of burden too, y’know ? ❜ She kicks her feet up to the coffee table, tosses one of the blankets at them because this Hestia’d heart maintains an apartment that’s always, always cozy – especially in the apple-spiced autumn and everglade’d winter wonderland. ❛ Honestly, Saima … I really don’t know why I care so much to even stick around the earthly beings in the first place. ❜ Maybe it’s because she couldn’t stand the arrogance of the other gods and how self-centered they were. Yeah. That’s totally the reason why. ❛ I guess I tolerate the humankind’s fallen state more than I could ever accept the divine’s gluttony. I mean, I have higher expectations for our kind, y’know ? ❜ She stretches her arms over her head, sinks a little deeper into the cushion of the couch, and nuzzles against one of the pillows.
❛ Hey … what are you doing for the holiday season ? ❜
“Right. It’s an unfortunate burden to carry really – but maybe it wouldn’t be as bad with a little mutual support.” They catch the blankets tossed their way and casually wrap around themselves. They are all too willing to take any comfort that is provided during this time of year. Saima listens to the way Stella talks about why she bothers to be around humans. It’s a situation that they relate to all too well. Humans of their own land, they can be fond of but otherwise – they find themselves quite indifferent to the species as a whole.
But the divine, well they haven’t had too many encounters with other deities but it’s not surprising that gluttony is a common factor.”Yeah, that’s a hard decision to make – I’ve been among humans for so long that I don’t think I’d mind the divine’s change of pace. At least not for a little while.I guess either way we have to be cautious about the company we keep.”
The question about the holiday season makes Saima pause for a moment.”Oh I don’t know yet. I know a few markets I may visit. And occasional stops I may make but otherwise I don’t have solid plans.”
“True. We’ll definitely be able to get through this together. Suppose that’s the point of connecting with each other. So neither of us have to deal with these things alone. But even the most mundane things are a little challenging when you just feel so far removed from so much.”
❛ Yeah … let’s conquer these growing pains together. ❜ Ah, so concealed in quips do roses possess thorns. It fills her flesh, splinters her sorrowful soul. Will she be strong enough to reach the light at the end of the tunnel? Will she be strong enough to share in Saima’s burdens ?
❛ I’m honestly just so scared that people won’t like the real Stella. That’s why I keep busy, distract myself, forget about this whole soul-searching thing because it always feels like people judge me and label me as disabled for being different. They always want to change me into something more normal, something they’re used to. ❜
She shuts the bible of astronomy in her lap, strewing it towards the other end of the couch. Perhaps, if only for one fleeting moment, the ghost of violence and war songs tainted her forceful actions.
❛ There are days when I feel like giving up on humanity, y’know ? ❜
The pair could only try, couldn’t they? After all, it wasn’t often one found others of the same mythical feel despite being of differing backgrounds. It only seemed right that Saima and Stella would try and stick together. To help each other through adjusting to this whole new world that they had witnessed. As Stella spoke, Saima nodded – relating all too much to the situation that she described. “I can understand that. I tend to keep busy for similar reasons. And because people have seen me a certain way for a while – it’s been hard to admit to my true self in front of them. It ‘s enough to make me want to withdraw and just start again somehow. People do have a way of being incredibly judgmental – they’ve always been like that although – it’s something else to be close to that end of what they can not and will not understand.”
Those forceful actions don’t exactlly go unnoticed, a hint of the discomfort that their dear friend has been experiencing.”Trust, I know that feeling. It’s something that I’ve experienced often. It’s incredibly tempting.” And Saima can’t fully say that they haven’t given in a way – if only in the fact that they no longer have any interest in trying to feel human when it’s obvious that they are so much more.
It’s frightening for the celestial child when she realizes the newfound comfort Saima brings into her life. They’re a security blanket for the starry gal, playing the role her family once upheld. But they left her … so what if life snatched Saima away too ? Her hand wilts, and the spoon sinks numbly into the melting sundae. The discharged depth of her soul’s tone emits, ❛ You know, you’re one the of the few people I could ever bring myself to open up to after my mother killed herself. ❜ Her ocean blues, they’re hollow.
❛ I know it’s a huge part of the healing process, and I know it’s supposed to help me find myself. But it’s scary when you feel your soul connecting with other souls again, when you start to believe that you have a family. ‘Cause then … what if they’re forced to leave you again, y’know ? ❜
The way that Stella confides in them – that statement making it very clear that Saima was one of the very few people that the other would open up to. That was enough to spark a shattering warmth inside of them. A feeling of connection that was so delightful and yet so overwhelming it was hard to bear. Especially in the aftermath of such events, Saima still found it a wonder that Stella ever bothered to open up to anyone at all.
“Yeah. It’s definitely a scary thing. Because it’s hard when you realize the potential for fragility among those bonds. Even if you were just starting to get used to them being around. And yet, yet there’s a feeling I get – if it helps you at all. That we can be there for each other. In some way or another for quite some time.” And taking comfort in that was the best that they could offer for the time being, in relishing the kind of trust that they hadn’t experienced in years due to always hiding a certain divine part of themselves from others.
❛ Hey … I’m grieving with you through this painful process, y’know ? ❜ Saintly seraph smiles, playing savior because if she could help Saima through their healing process, then maybe all the dead stuff inside her own garden will go away too. And inner healing was just too damn scary a journey for the starry gal to commit to on her own.
❛ There are days when I’d look in the mirror, and my own reflection would be so disillusioning. It’s like … I don’t even recognize the girl in the mirror, so I can relate to what you’re feeling, I guess ? ❜
She slides the strawberry sundae a little closer to their half of the table. After all, comfort food was one of the ways Stella conquered her problems.
❛ We can keep each other accountable, maybe ? Like, actually carve out some time to process our emotions. To just talk it through and fix whatever the heck we can. Kinda sappy, I know. But I always feel like I remember more things about myself whenever we hang out. ❜ She stuffs her mouth with another spoonful of pinkish delight. It swallows smoothly to her stomach.
❛ You’re different than the rest of the world. And I like that about you. You have my utmost respect, hands down. ❜
“Right.I know you’re going through this with me. Although I wouldn’t wish that sort of thing on most, if I am honest with you. ” Which is an honestly unusual place since so often Saima has been left to their own fate and abandoned by tose that they didn’t even belong with. That to have someone willing to stick by them in such a trying process was totally new and unfamiliar. To have someone really commit to dealing with this painful process – it was hard to let themselves allow someone in like that and yet here Stella was doin so anyway.
As they listen to Stella, Saima remains quiet – letting everything process for a moment. The offer of the sundae doesn’t go unnoticed and they do start to take a spoon and dig in. “Keeping each other accountable sounds fair. Goodness knows that we could both use the time and space to process our existence and what it means these days.” Trying some of the treat gives them a little smile, they were always one to appreciate a sweet treat.
“Thanks. I need that – I appreciate your difference as well. I think when I’m around you , I do feel better about the whole thing.“
Saima remains quiet for a few moments – as if they are still trying to piece together a reaction to such encouragement. “Perhaps. But this.. this severance from many I’ve known. It might not be something I want to fix. If nothing else, maybe I can work on addressing this need to center those I have no reason to actually be so concerned with. I’m tired. I’m tired of acting like I want to be around those that only remind me how much of a farce it is for me to pretend to be anything other than what I am.” One could say this was a part of them letting their inner spirit show – no longer content to hide themselves for the sake of some…some.. they dare not complete the phrase. It’s not worth going down that line of thought.
It’s just that they are trying to not work on lowering themselves for anyone.
spctlessminds: this ask meme is based on the blog gravesuggestion. i’ve divided it up into two categories ( light & dark ) based on the themes. some of these can be somewhat triggering seeing that the darker ones deal with a lot of death mentions. please be cautious before continuing on!! L I G H […]
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