“I need to find me some of the energy.” Erzsi meant the remark as a compliment even if there was some truth to it. She had always felt comfortable enough around them to let a little bit of her true self show. Even if it was just the pessimistic part.
“That is very true. It’s an amazing thing to witness,” Erzsi said with a small chuckle. “I’ll be right back!” And with that said, Erzsi makes her way through the small crowd to the bar and orders the beers. “Ta-da! I hope you aren’t super picky about brand, I just ordered what I usually get.”
“That’s true. It takes a bit of change to find it, I’m sure.“ They also spoke some of their truth. Saima could relate to that pessimistic part, it had been something that they had become all too familiar with.
They smile in appreciation before waiting for her to place the orders. A few more stretches didn’t hurt to calm them down. “Oh no, I’m not super picky about brand. If it’s something that you usually get, then I trust it to be pretty solid.”
“Oh, for sure! I am glad everyone sort of gets a long nowadays. It would be awkward otherwise.”
“Saima, it’s not your fault. I forgot to put this little meeting in my calendar and they just texted me asking where I was. You are not a distraction! And I will see you next week for those lessons, yes?” She called after them wanting to make sure they knew this was her fault.
“True, true. And life already comes with enough awkwardness.“
“Hah, I get how that happens. But see you next week for those lessons. Can’t wait to get started.“ They throw up a hand in a wave as a final goodbye gesture before continuing to stroll – soon enough to disappear back to their homeland.
“It definitely suits you! And all the work you’ve put it has paid off wonderfully!” Erzsi said with enthusiasm. She was so glad they were doing well and could express themselves for who they were.
“That makes a sort of sense. I don’t totally get it, but I can see what you mean.” She laughed a little gesturing toward their demeanor. “Do you want anything to drink? I was thinking about grabbing another beer.”
“Yeah, it really makes having to deal with so much prior a little more worthwhile.“ Even just continuing to survive would have been enough, but Saima knew that they were much more excited about existing with the changes that they had made.
“Right. It’s a bit hard to explain but people can see it when it happens. As you clearly had the chance to do so tonight. I’d love a beer actually.” They found themselves craving a drink as a small reward after all this activity.
“Oh, you and Roderich have hung out?” Erzsi asked, not quite sure what she was a little shocked to hear it. “I mean, I am glad you two get along. I am sure you will probably run into him at some point when you are over at my house.”
Looking at her phone, Erzsi groaned,”Shit! I have to go. I was supposed to be at a meeting and now I am late! I really need better time management skills.”
“Yeah, yeah. It’s been a more recent development but we’ve got a long for at least a few years now.“ It was nice to be able to consider him a friend. “So it’ll only make things easier for those inevitable run-ins.“
The realization of Erszi being late made Saima jolt a bit. “Damn. Well, I’ll leave you to your business. Won’t keep you distracted any longer.” With that, they start to make their way out.
“I’ll take your word for it, unless I do decide to start dabbling in video editing. Hmm, I might have a new hobby on the horizon.” Erzsi wasn’t really good with technology, but maybe with a little practice she could pick up a new hobby.
“I can tell! I haven’t seen you this happy in a couple years. It’s a great look for you.” She complimented them with a sincere smile. “How do you keep the energy up for the entire show? It looks exhausting.”
“You never know what you might get into.“ Still they appreciated the vote of confidence in their ability.
“Thanks. I had to make a lot of changes to get this happy – so it’s really been a work of process.“ It had been transformative over the past few years – with coming into their true self after years of hiding it or not being aware of it. It feels like becoming a whole another being.
“It looks exhausting but I get an energy from performing that just kind of enthuses me and gives the power and the ability to just channel that sense of wonder into music.“
“There are some days that I just don’t want to go in and deal with things. It’s a little aggravating, but now I will have something to look forward to. Besides the weekend.”
“Yes, that does help immensely,” she remarked, chewing on her bottom lip. “It also helped that he was there for me in one of my darkest times. That helped me heal and forgive him. He really is a changed man, Saima.”
“Isn’t that the truth? I totally understand how things can be that way. Something about finding things to look forward to is really beneficial.“
A nod of understanding. “Well, someone who’s willing to be there for you in such times is definitely someone it makes sense to be into. I believe you – I’ve had a good time in recent times with him. So I have no reason not to think he’s a solid guy.”
“Oh, good to know!’ She knew enough about tech to get by, but anything beyond some slight Photoshop skills completely went over her head.
Listening intently, Erzsi tilts her head trying to imagine the feeling. It seemed to be so much different than ruling. It would be after all since the people are there to see the show. “It sounds like an absolutely amazing feeling. I am so happy you get to experience it.”
“Uh hm, really interesting stuff depending on what you’re trying to use the video for.“ The more you learn from getting involved with media work, Saima supposes.
“Yeah. I’ve been able to perform for people a number of times over the years. But getting back into the habit of doing live shows has been amazing for me really.“ Saima couldn’t help but feel like they got to share a self that they had kept hidden for far too long through performance.
“Sounds good to me. It also gets me out of work early, which I am not going to complain about.” Here she chuckles, adding the time to the calendar reminder. There! Now she would remember!
“It really is. I don’t think if we were on “normal” time that we would have reconciled. But, I guess that is one good thing about being whatever we are; we have time. Which is a double-edged sword. I guess you have to take the good and the bad even when the bad is absolutely maddening.”
“Hah, fair enough. Nothing wrong like being able to end the day a little earlier.“ It was something that Saima could always appreciate. At least they liked it before their schedule changed to be much more flexible these days.
“True. I guess having more time allows more chances to process and potentially change your feelings about someone. It’s ..incredible how that can happen given the space to do so – even if that turns out to be a frustrating situation.“
Erzsi nodded with a grateful smile. “I’ll email it to you as well. That way you have the uncompressed video as well. I know Insta can mess with video quality,” Erzsi remarked before taking another drink of her beer.
“So, how does it feel to have adoring fans? How does it feel to be on stage?” Erzsi asked curiously. While Erzsi had never been on an actual stage, she knew what it was like to be in the spotlight. She wondered if it was the same feeling.
“Appreciate it. I do like having that uncompressed video. There’s often even a sound difference between the formats.“ Something that they had stumbled upon through reading about different tech over the years.
“It’s.. interesting. It does feel amazing to be on stage, to perform. There’s an energy that comes from sharing a talent with others and an energy just from being a part of something larger. It definitely feels like a fascinating connection is formed in that moment. I can slip into a otherness that actually radiates to others and draws people in – and I just.. relish that so much.“
Seekesotsibteadmist 