“Your own sake? What exactly does that mean?” It was a valid question, Gilbert didn’t recall doing anything that could be counted as threatening or dangerous to Saima. Sure, there were the explanations they had to give and stories they had to match but that was about it.
“Is there something else I should be knowing?”
“It’s nothing significant. I just like to be perfectly clear about where things stand. And sometimes that means I ask a question for a bit of a reminder every so often.” Although there was no obvious threat, it was just a little habit of theirs.
“It’s a weird tendency I guess, so I’ll try to downplay that. But otherwise, I don’t think so for now. I’ll be sure to tell you if anything does come up.”
“It’s fine. No need to call it off, I just wanted to confirm for my own sake.” It had been pretty straightforward from the start, but a little reminder didn’t seem to hurt things either. For such a ‘wild’ plan, acting like they were involved with Gilbert worked well enough for their purposes. It’s not like they had much else going on.
“I never said you cannot enjoy it, did I ever say that? It is just, to me at least, it is a dull activity. I personally cannot find pleasure in watching.” Which is exactly what he has been doing for the past 70 years, watching. Not people, no, but there is no way he can be a protagonist in the way he was meant to be, not anymore. So he just watches.
“No, no. I was just describing my thoughts about it. Didn’t mean to imply that you said that. Since you clearly didn’t.” If nothing else, they want to make sure to clear up what could have been interpreted from what they said.
“And that’s totally fair. I can respect that it can be a dull activity to many. I probably wouldn’t say everyone go do it because it doesn’t really work that way. I’m only speaking from what I’ve managed to get out of it occasionally.”
“You are sounding like an old person that has lost whatever the appeal they had ever had in life and exchanged that for the quietude of watching other people’s life. Is that what contents you now? Watching instead of experiencing?”
Saima laughs a little. They can’t be offended by what seems like an accurate description “I mean, I have my old person moments.. I’ll admit to it. However, I do like doing my fair share of experiencing. I volunteer and travel and get involved with enough activites. So I don’t really think I’ve exchanged it really. I just see no reason why you can’t enjoy being involved and stepping back every so often.”
“Sometimes. Not always since I have other things to do, but I don’t know – there’s something relaxing about just observing in some situations.”
“Is there?” Eyebrows rose at such declaration. “Why, Saima. You didn’t exactly me as the type to find relaxation in such thing. Care to elaborate why?”
“Yeah, it’s something that surprised me as well although perhaps it’s a somewhat more recent development.” They think for a moment about how to articulate the appeal.
“I think it’s just going relatively unnoticed letting the actions of others pass by that is a little interesting. Of course, on quiet days, there’s not much to see so I’d rather just go on errands. But when there’s like a festival, or something in the center of a town- watching the interactions just attracts me in a way I can’t fully articulate.”
Feel free to alter the wording, pronouns, context etc!
“Most of the time I feel like I’m just going through the motions, like a robot.” “I something terrible and faceless in my dreams last night.” “It’s good to get outside every once in a while, be part of the world again.” “I spent years hiding from people, thinking I’d be happier that way, but I had never been more miserable.” “Every time I close my eyes, I see them. They’ll always be in my head.” “I didn’t deserve that, and neither do you.” “You have to try to get better. You can’t let yourself waste away.” “You’re not the sum of your mistakes. You can always do better.” “Just because the past was awful doesn’t mean the future has to be.”
“Do you ever people-watch?” “It scares me, what people must think of us.” “Do you care what people think of you?” “How will you be remembered?” “Come for a walk with me.” “We need to talk about what I/you did.” “Why do you always lie?” “I wouldn’t do that to you.” “You would never hurt me. I’m safe with you.”
“I need you closer. Please.” “I don’t want to talk about it. Just hold me.” “What’s the point of getting into a relationship if they always end?” “Would it kill you to tell me you care about me, just once?” “Nobody gets a happy ever after.” “You don’t do affection, do you?” “You don’t like letting people in? Well, me neither.” “I can’t help you if you keep pushing me away.” “If I wanted your help, I’d ask for it. Stop prying.” “Would you let me touch you? Please?”
Seekesotsibteadmist 