“I don’t like admitting this – but I do have issues with how you can inadvertently make me feel really inadequate. Of course, that’s been a thing for me for a while in private – but somehow being around you occasionally intensifies it. Of course, you get on with plenty of people so it’s easy to just feel like a passerby I guess. It’s the risk I take, no?
Maybe because I have this overwhelming feeling that you’re just humoring me for the sake of it. It’s likely irrational but..I feel like I put myself out there and ..ugh. It’s dumb. Don’t mind me.”
“I’d rather you being around with that. ” There’s that hint of playfulness in Saam’s eyes.
One eyebrow quirks at the glint, his amused half-grin slowly growing across his face. “Sorry. Our Juliaen machine is broken.”
“Well isn’t that too bad. “ A faux pout. “I’d look for alternatives – but you know that’s a one of a kind machine right there. Endearing, bright, funny – I don’t know how anything else could compare. I would have to take it as a loss. How unfortunate.“
Another little sigh as if to play up such disappointment.
“I don’t even know where to start. I just there’s something about him that gets right to me without even trying. I can’t help but feel disarmed around him. And technically this is in the very best of ways.
But … there’s a reason I daydream about him from time to time. There’s something about the way that he carries himself, talks, smiles. Oh that damn wide smile of his. He’s got a presence that I’m hopelessly drawn to. It’s so unusual the way he has this effect on me. It..it’s a little scary sometimes. But I like being around him. I really do.
I don’t ..I don’t know if he gets anything about being around me as well. But I suppose he does. Even after uh my recent changes or whatever. At least that is what I would hope. But I can never assume the best, that would be foolish of me.”
“Do they not say that alcohol spills truths that we would usually keep secret?” He’s at it already, mere moments after they’ve set foot through the door. Saam had only managed to get one of their shoes off before he’s closed the space between them, arms tight around the other in a short-lived hug, their presence already a comfort to him. “Either way, I missed you as well. It’s good to see you again!” Sincere, and he has the sunshine smile to prove it.
“I suppose that’s incredibly accurate in this case.“ Saam didn’t even get the chance to get comfortable before a tight little hug came through. Happily, they returned the gesture, only happy to see Jules and be close to him again. Ah how hugs seemed ever too brief when it was with someone you truly were fond of.
“It’s so lovely to see you too. I’ve got things to say and everything. Although clearly you already heard part of it.“ They do manage to finally get the other shoe off in the meantime once Jules lets go.
Juliaen takes advantage of the time by making a pot of fresh coffee — Saam would probably be needing it – and setting it out on the low table next to his sofa. It’s not long before their arrival is sounded at his front door and he is there in a flash, stepping aside the open door to allow them access to his home. “You need a hand getting inside, party animal?” His tone is teasing as is the wink he offers.
Seeing Juliaen again is enough to make Saam give the most sheepish and vulnerable of smiles. As if mildly embarrassed to show up this way. Damn, that was a presence they had missed dearly. “Haha. I think I’m okay. I think the realization of what I had actually sent and the ride sobered me up quite a bit actually.” With a small little laugh, Saam entered the hope – careful to get the shoes off at the door.
Seekesotsibteadmist 