“Somehow describing emotional pain is even worse just because I still.. I still carry a lot of that emotional pain from over the years. That shit builds up quite a bit. And no matter how much time has passed, the impacts of that pain still is able to get inside you and make you feel completely and utterly worthless. 

But you know.. I think the mid 20th century was just a nightmare in general for me. And the loss of independence, the knowledge that it really could have turned out differently, the loss that came with being oppressed under a terrible authoritarian regime and feeling like no one really cared about the way you were just.. taken away from the world. It was incredibly isolating, and frankly, that still weighs on me a lot. It’ll take some time for me to try and get from there – when the impacts of the time are still with me.”

Usually Saima will either listen to music or play some music as a way to channel their emotions into something creative. That is usually a good way to clear their head. Other options they may pursue include journaling, going on a run, doing some cooking or escaping into the woods for a few hours to get away from the city and commune with nature for a little while.

“One perfect wish? For my people to be safe without the fear of losing their sovereignty.“ It’s a simple wish but so many years without that sense of independence makes Saima wish for nothing more than to see that freedom protected and available far into the future.

    Saima at their angriest is a very, very rare sight these days and they much prefer to leave it that way. If there are incidents when people see them angry, they will see a total shift in demeanor that not only darkens their temperament but threatens to alter the vibe of the room altogether. One would witness an attempt to keep their impulses under control – especially if the object of their anger isn’t really within reach at all. In that case, they were more likely to be incredibly blunt and curt with their speech and likely to want to leave the room suddenly to go away from this pressure cooker.

If the person that caused the offense was within the same room, at their very angriest, there is a strong chance that Saima would in fact lash out. It’s a silent burning anger, that builds up and if provoked can be released in a quick dose of action. They have beaten people using a hidden strength that many don’t suspect that they have when provoked. And the fact is after such actions, Saima is rather remorseless about having done so – just because they know, they try to prevent getting that angry – but if it’s reached that point, it’s entirely too late. 

Thankfully, that kind of direct violence, Saima is much better at controlling – they have becomed skilled internalizing these feelings and trying to find a better way to express them.

Saima would like to deny that they are a pessimist and if anyone asked, they’d say they would take a more realist approach to things. But honestly, in their heart, they do have something of a pessimistic streak. Especially when it comes to anything personal.

They don’t trust or expect many of those that they work with to care for them, or at least not very long at a time. The nature of what they do leads to feeling like the fact that they are a tertiary player, at best, means that they don’t really matter to anyone. 

Which is a situation that they have gotten accustomed to over the years. They figure if people are going to abandon me to my fate again (as has happened before even from people they considered close), they might as well be prepared for the situation to arise.